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"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." ~ 1 Peter 3:15-16
Looking Back..

How long has it been, ever since the day that God saved me from the downward spiral of sins? He led me out of Egypt into Cannan, promising me Manna every single day. Though there are times of doubts, weaknesses and troubling, His grace is sufficient for all matters of life in this time and in the age to come. He alone, is all I need to learn to rely solely on and to imitate Him.

Thank You Father, for giving me the revelation of the knowledge of Your Son, Jesus Christ, in whom my hope is secured. When I am weak, You are strong. Teach me your way even more, that I will desire to be with You even more. Give me a spirit of self-control and discipline in this race of faith, that I may run well throughout the race. A spirit of humility I asked in match of the wisdom and knowledge You have given me, and I asked more of Your will to be revealed to me. May the Holy Spirit who dwell in me, and working deeply and richly inside, never to leave me. May Your grace, rushing and overflowing powerfully, anoint me every morning. I asked this as a child of Yours. Amen.

Looking back, God's hand is indeed behind all things. Since the day before I even knew Him, I was blessed with brothers and sisters who have fought the good fight. Their presence in life is a source of encouragement to continue in the faith and in fact forerunners to be learned from. From the day of knowing nothing about Him, I came to know more about Him through His beloved Word and precious words. A reality, He is who He is.

With much joy, and an attempt to be obedient, I have gladly worked in a couple of areas which I thought I was supposed to do as a believer. The first time, I saw a need and thus came the need of a worker, and I thought it would be good to help in the time of need. Don't get me wrong to think that helping in the time of need is wrong, but I was working according to the flesh and not the spirit. The second time, no one seems willing to take up the work, so I took it up and reminding myself to work in the spirit and not according to the flesh.

It seemed all good thus far, yet the more I am willing to work, the more I learn about the nature of His works. And I came to understand that our works can never substitute His works nor can we carry out His works in our own ways. God's works, His works, have to be done His way, for His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than our way. It is this deep stirring inside, that prompted me to leave the old way of doing church for a better one, the way it is done by the Apostles themselves.

But of course, I am not an apostle, at least God has not revealed to me that I should live to work as one. It is this then I wish to plead with God to show me His calling and where I should work in. Everything seems good when life is stable and especially when I got promoted with a marginal increment. Yet, I know this is a time of trial, to see if I would be secured in the salary I am drawing or the hope in whom all man must hold, or perished. And I am convinced that there is no room in me for appetite of extending my own empire, rather I seek to magnify His Kingdom. Though I give thanks, for His wonderful mercy in providing a home which I bought earlier, I knew He had went to prepare even better rooms for me in the age to come.

Now I cry, show me Thy way for me, that I may be a vessel for Your Kingdom in this age and the age to come. Reveal to me, even more of Your heart's desires that I may learn to seek them. Enable me to walk according to Your eternal Spirit and not my perishable flesh. Work in me powerfully throughout and shatter me, if that may save my life. May Your will for the world and for the Church be gloriously revealed to all mankind, for Yours is the Kingdom of power, majesty and glory! Let the whole world knows that You are the God of the unshakable, a firm and sure foundation of the earth and heaven since the ancient of days. Holy, holy, holy is the One.

One thing I ask, is that He will show me exactly what and how should I do to testify for His expression of the Church, in the midst of so many different varieties of man's expression of the one true Church. Though I have apparently some burden for the Church in China, I am wary of falling into the same old diabolic trapping of working in my flesh for God's works. May He grant me faith also, for I am a man of small faith. Nevertheless, I am joyous to know that He is forever faithful, even if I am unfaithful.

In all things then, may His name be forever praised! Amen.

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