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"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." ~ 1 Peter 3:15-16
I posted this in the office! Hehe... =P

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I was brought up in a buddhist family and often encounter folk buddhism. Though I wasn't a very devoted buddhist, nevertheless I attended temples big and small with my family. especially my grandmother. Though I never question the faith of my family members, I do wonder whether I have the buddhist faith to begin with as I cannot agree with some of the teachings like reincarnation. Despite all these, I still follow the faith of my family, at least on the surface.

The turning point in my family was when my parents divorced while I was in Junior College 2. Though much can be said of the divorce issue, it was generally my father's fault who commit adultery, not for once, but many times till then. My mum couldn't bear the pain then and decide to divorce, which I encourage her to along the way.

It was during that period that my faith in folk buddhism shatters. It was the first time in my whole life that I earnestly pray for something - that my parents wouldn't divorce, but that doesn't help much. I turned an atheist then, fully embracing evolution into my worldview, and believing that only I can help myself. I was totally opposing Christianity back then especially when I got no good impression on those so called christians around me. Sometimes even as I look back, I couldn't help but be amazed that God saw all these and lead me to Him in the end.

My mum's sufferring did not end as she contracted some illness even before she divorced. She was sufferring from serious menstration problem and on one occassion, she had to be sent to the hospital for blood transfusion. Coupled with this problem came her spinal problem which caused her sleepless nights. The situation is that if she turned her back without care, she will be "locked" in that position for hours just like a person being disconnected of his upper and lower body. Think about her pain when the two problems occur at the same time.

I was talking to my mum this morning and we recall that even before my parents divorced, my mum has already dreamt of Jesus Christ in her dreams. Though she didn't understand or know Jesus then, now as we look back, we know that God has been along with us throughout all these hard years, even if we didn't notice Him in our lives.

Says it a coincidence or God's plan, my mum's younger brother, my uncle happened to attend church around that period of time. It was him who brought my mum and aunt to church. My mum was willing to go to church because she has been to see much specialists and even temple mediums without any cure. Someone pray for her that night and she claimed that she was healed and she accepted Christ as her Lord soon after. She came home telling me how Jesus healed her, but I put her down and told her to watch for her condition after a couple of months. I was a skeptic of miraculous things then and couldn't afford the notion of a God existing within my evolutionary worldview.

Nevertheless, my mum believed Christ. My aunt was also healed of her retina tear around the same period of time. To put it shortly, the specialist had just declared that my aunt has a low chance of recovering her eyesight and when she returned to the specialist well, even the specialist couldn't help but claimed that it was a miracle.

In the year when my mum and aunt were healed, I saw many others account of healings that were credited to God. It was then that my firm belief in atheism started to shaken. I was prepared to review my atheistic worldview and explore the supernatural.

I met a brother who is a believer during my army days and he brought me to his cell group (a group of believers gathering for fellowship). Even the chance of meeting him was slim as it involves many coincidences. I will skip that but the truth is that I consistently join in their fellowship to find out more on their faith and at the same time be careful enough not to attend their church as I didn't want to be brainwashed by the church then.

My conversion experience began when I was invited down to an evangelistic rally (where one Australian came to share about Jesus in our national indoor stadium). I forgot what he said that night but I could remember clearly he shown us a picture where Jesus is knocking at a door. Something special about the door is that there's no handle on the side where Jesus is knocking, the handle is at the other side of the door. The significance of this picture is that God wouldn't force Himself into our hearts, but we have to choose to let Him comes into our very hearts. I realise that as soon as I saw that picture and I know all along, I have been rejecting Him by my choice.

That night the Australian Preacher, as usual in any rallies, asked if anyone wants to accept Jesus as their Lord and to stand up if they will. I stood and at that very moment I had a very strange feelings which I couldn't decribe it very well. It was just like the feeling of a long lost son returning home. I knew I was home with God. In fact, my friend who brought me there was expecting me to recieve Christ back then! But guess what, I told my friend that I wish to leave. I just do not want to be brainwashed by christians. At least, I held firmly to that.

That night, while I was on my way home, I thought a lot. I couldn't believe that my atheistic and evolutionary belief was wrong and that God could let me experienced His love. I was indeed struggling as I know that I wouldn't want to become a christian and admit that my former belief was wrong.

When I went back home, upon entering the bath room and totally undressed, I suddenly just break down and cried for about twenty minutes. I was asking God to forgive me of my unbelief and stubbornness to accept Him and all the wrongs I know I did till then. That divine night, I knew I have accepted Christ and thus begin a new journey. If God had not taken such drastic measure and shown his grace to me, I wonder when will I ever come to Him.

But I wouldn't say that my journey was a smooth one, the first thing God has to deal with me was my former belief in evolution. It was through careful readings in the bible and scientific researches done by christian scientists that I finally know that the bible is right and evolution is wrong. God doesn't also deal with me intellectually, He deals with my heart issue as well. I had to learn to love and to give. Even though sometimes I fail Him, by His grace I have learnt to come back to Him because He is our heavenly Father.

Now, even as you know me, I am still learning under His guidance. And there's one thing I will always do, to tell of His love and grace to people around me so that they might believe and share in His love and grace. All because I know He is a living God, and one who cares for us!

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